DECEMBER 15TH, 2024
[07:56]
i made it to the end of the semester. barely, but my grades were surprisingly good. i did not go crazy or have a breakdown like i thought i would. i just got really constipated. i'm eating prunes and granola to help. i don't really eat anything else anymore. yesterday i had two meals: gnocchi for lunch and granola with milk for dinner. today i'll only eat once. i don't know what i'll eat yet. i'm at 46.3kg, this is the lowest i've ever been. it's exciting, but i still feel it's not quite there yet. maybe i really should aim for 45.5kg, which doesn't sound impossible. i've been listening to a lot of incelcore today. it's kind of embarrassing. the sensation of being full is the worst.
NOVEMBER 22ND, 2024
[21:49]
oh my god. time is flying by. i haven't been sleeping or eating enough. i'm stressed about college assignments. everything is a bit too much at the moment. i've been paralyzed with fear, but i managed to move a bit today. that's good. there is so much i want to do. if only i had time...
OCTOBER 13TH, 2024
[17:31]
relatively productive day today. got a bit further with the fabric print i'm working on. pattern? i never know what to call it. i want to add more things to this site, but i don't know what. i feel i don't have much to say. there are things i don't want to say, too. i'm slowly managing to do more college work. hopefully after the first week of december i will have more time to delve into my interests.
my friend once told me things change drastically within yourself after your 21st birhtday. i think i can see those changes. i like the person i am becoming. i need to look into books about semiotics for my master's degree. i need to think about my final project for college.
OCTOBER 11TH, 2024
[05:06]
i woke up at 2:00 and read a poem about amputation. it made me feel as though my right forearm shouldn't be there. i didn't cut it off, nor would i, but i did want to. i just used the computer with one hand for a while, which did prove itself quite a challenge. it's fine now but i felt a strange sensation inside, like it was just aching to be amputated. very strange. possibly dangerous.